So I started taking my birth control on Sunday - 2/10/19 and now I am feeling sad and depressed…maybe I am just going through the emotions and trying to adjust to the medication. I also feel REALLY lonely today. I have a husband who is gone a lot…he works nights so being alone is hard for me. I have let Shawn sleep in my bed two times already this week, because I just feel alone and it helps to have him by my side.

I wonder if this will pass or has it just begun?

I know with any new medication, comes side effects and this one had two pages worth. We shall see how it does, but right now, I am going to take it that I am just adjusting to the meds and hopefully it will soon pass! I haven’t taken birth control in 7+ years so I have no clue or remember what happens with it! LOL

I took getting that news as an answer to a question that I have been long waiting to get resolved.

Will we EVER have another baby?

Well I guess since I started birth control, that is 100% out of the question. So I am going to start selling totes of clothes, baby gear, and so much more!

I feel like it has been weighing me down mentally and I always feel in limbo of what I should do with it, but now the answer is clear.

Sometimes we have to de-clutter our emotions to you know? This has been weighing on me for a very long time and I just want free from it. Free from it ALL. So if you know someone who is about to have a baby boy…I CAN HOOK YOU UP with some beautiful gear and clothes.

It has been taking up 5+ totes, and a whole ROOM full of gear that I just need to get rid of, but I want to sell it…this is thousands of dollars laying there and I can’t just give it away because it brings back so many memories of Shawn. (Or is that the mental lock down it has on me!?!? SEEEE I am a mess!!)

My sweet boy who apparently will be the only child. My sweet boy who will never get to experience a sibling because of mommy’s issues. My sweet boy who I hope don’t feel robbed of that sibling either. I hope you know you are the BEST thing that has ever happened to me!!!

Sometimes God has a way of doing things to answer our questions and I always say…”God you are going to have to be VERY CLEAR on what my next step is…because I am always afraid I will miss it.”

This answer and news I got last Thursday was VERY CLEAR to me…so it has begun…the de-cluttering of the baby gear!!

WISH ME LUCK - This will take EFFORT - Physically and mentally!!

Oh peeps...not the news I wanted...BUT I got answers!!!! I got the report...but let me break it down real simple. :(

1. I have Adenomyosis (heterogeneous) - explains my heavy bleeding.

2. My blood work on the hormones came back normal - YAY!!!

3. I have a LARGE fibroid in a weird spot that is not the normal place for some...it is as big as a golf ball - slightly bigger actually and she doesn't want to touch it JUST yet...I go back in 4 months to do another ultrasound (belly and vaginal - just like today) to see if it has grown.

If it so much doubles in size or gets bigger...it could be serious...like cancer (not likely)....but waiting to see what it does. It could have always been this size...or not...we have no records because we have never done an ultrasound like this before. (honestly...ultrasounds should be part of the pap...you see more than taking swap! LOL) They haven't received my file yet from my doctor...requested it on 2/5/19 so they say it still is early...but we shall see.

4. She is putting me on birth control (Portia - I think she said) and she is hoping that will regulate my periods, help with anger and hot flashes because even though my blood work came back normal...she thinks it could be spiking and changing especially during my cycle. She is also hoping it will reduce the size of the fibroid...she has seen them get smaller so watching it to see what it does.

Next appointment is on 6/11/19!! YIKES!!!

Gotta admit...I was really scared and sat in my car and just cried...so glad she went through the whole report with me and said uterus and ovaries are normal and the size of them are normal...so it could have been worse!

So thankful I found her and caught this before it gets any bigger...apparently they can grow pretty BIG!! Prayers much appreciated...

Now to take birth control - I haven't done that in like 7+ years!! LOL I will have to set a reminder on my phone for sure!!!

This is my current personal development books I am listening to on my morning commute.. Because let's face it... I hate to actually read anything. Lol

He talks about people not taking risks to find their higher purpose... To stay in the comfortable stage doesn't allow you to grow!!

If you aren't willing to JUMP ... Than you will never know how your life can be full of abundance!!

What a breath of fresh air this book is!! Loving it so much!! Feeling my mind with positive thoughts has been apart of my life for 3 years and it honestly has helped me through some pretty rough times!! 

Have you read this??

Thoughts??